Things I'm Not Suppose To Do In Hogwarts
by Athena the wise girl
Summary: A troublesome new student attends Hogwarts! Just random funny stuff :) One-shot!


**I saw this list on a few profiles and I just had to do a story :) So I picked out my favorite ones and this happened. I DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER AND IF I DID PEOPLE WOULD PROBABLY KILL ME :( Anyways ENJOY!**  
**(P.S. sorry if my info isn't accurate, I only know what I know from the movies. Just to warn you. And there might be some grammar and/or spelling errors, my kindle's spell check sucks!)**

Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts:

"This is Cece Garcia!" Dumbledore introduced the girl to the Gryffindor House.

She had waist length dark brown hair, fair tan skin, dark brown eyes and a perky smile. She was a bit taller then the average girl but not by much. She waved "Hi!"

"She's transferred from a school in America," Dumbledore continues "please treat her well and make her feel at home."

After the Headmaster left, the main trio went up to introduce themselves. She was a rather nice and silly girl that seemed very sweet and fun to get to know.

"So what made you transfer?" Harry asks.

"Well, I don't want to study wizardry so I got expelled." She casually says.

"But...Why?" Hermione asks, who wouldn't want to practice wizardry?

"I just don't see myself going that way," Cece shrugs "I wanna get into medical terminology, like a surgeon or body analysis, and I won't get that going to wizard school."

"What did you do to get expelled?" Ron asked.

"I filled the lake with spray can cheese," She says casually "but it's the third school I've been to this year so, eh."

Ron's eyes widen "Bloody hell! How'd you fill it with cheese?"

"There's actually a spell to turn water to cheese believe it or not."

"So I assume you won't be here for long?" Harry guessed.

"Most likely." She says.

**1) I am not allowed to sing, "We're Off to See the Wizard" while skipping off to the Headmaster's office.**

Of course Cece didn't mean to cause so much trouble, she just got bored easily. So when Professor McGonagall had gotten a little bit cross when she had "accidentally" dyed all of the Slytherin's house's uniforms pink and had told her to head straight to Professor Dumbledore's office, she decided to entertain herself.

_"Ooooooh, we're off to see the wizard the wonderful wizard of Oz...!"_

She didn't really mind all the stares of bewilderment she got from everyone as they saw her skipping merrily down the hall. She even got some of the teachers attention.

**2) I am not allowed to ask Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick**.

"The what!?" The Headmaster asked in bewilderment.

"Come on I know you know it." Cece smiles.

"I can assure you child, I know no such thing." Dumbledore says firmly.

"Come on pleeeeeeeease!" She begs "Please can you show me the pointy hat trick!"

**4) The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.**

"She did say it be someone we'd notice..." Hermione says as her and the guys watched the girl dance with one of the squid's extended tentacles throughout the window.

How Cece managed to teach it to "dance" was beyond their comprehension, the headmasters didn't seem so thrilled either.

"She's bloody insane!" Ron exclaims.

"I'll say." Harry put in.

**10) I am not allowed to make light saber sounds with my wand.**

"Neeyow! Neeyow!"

"Professor Snape!" Draco wines "She's doing it again!"

"Miss. Garcia!" Snape snaps, very irritated "In time of battle will you be doing those obnoxious noises!"

Cece shrugs "If I remember."

**13) I am not allowed to claim that growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is "Extra Herbology Work."**

Cece waits patiently as the police confiscated the last of her "special" herbs from inside the green house. Just as this was going on Neville passed by and stares curiously at the girl.

"What's goin on?" He asked.

"Apparently marijuana and mushrooms aren't considered "Extra Herbology Work" pfft, I think they should tell that to the stoners out back."

**15) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it.**

"Ducklifors!" The class repeated.

"Ahahahahahahahaha!"

The teacher stops a minute before continuing but-

"Ahahahahaha...ehem hehe, sorry go on."

The professor hesitates a bit goes on "As I was saying-"

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! DUCKLIFORS! OH MY- HAHAHA!"

After about five minutes Cece was finally able to settle a bit "Hehe...ehem...I not gunna be able to use that spell am I?"

The teacher shakes his head solemnly.

**16) I will not lock the Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive.**

"Why the bloody hell are you here!?" Draco spat "This is for the Slytherin House only!"

"Well we have a letter from Dumbledore saying other wise!" Ron snapped.

Both Gryffindor and Slytherin Houses began arguing in the most heated debate ever. Curses and harsh comments were said all around and just as they were about to draw their wands the door slammed shut. The arguing stopped at once as the students headed towards the door trying to pray it open.

Mean while out side Cece put up a concession stand "Hurry hurry! Place your bets here! Who will come out alive!? Gryffindor or Slytherin!?"

**18) I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug A Slytherin Day."**

"Get off me you stupid girl!" Draco commanded.

"No!" Cece says as she hugs him tighter.

He struggles to get free so he can avoid the staring eyes in the courtyard. Harry, Ron and Hermione come running towards their crazy friend.

"Cece! have you gone mad?!" Ron exclaims.

"Get her the hell off me!" Draco snaps trying to pull her of with no success "She's been harassing everyone in the house all day!"

"Why?" Hermione asks.

"Because," Cece began "it's Hug A Slytherin Day! HAY EVERYONE, IT'S HUGE A SLYTHERIN DAY! GRAB A SLYTHERIN AND GET TO HUGIN'!"

A thus a new holiday was made where every Slytherin had to hide all day to keep from being hugged to death.

**19) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways**.

"Dun nu nu nu nu nu!"

Cece barrel rolls from pillar to pillar while stopping once in a while to crouch down and peek around the corner at the ready with her gun fingers.

"Dun nu nu nu nu nu!"

"Miss. Garcia, what, may I ask you are doing?"

The Gryffindor student looks up to find her favourite teacher "Good evening Mr. Snape!"

"Please Miss. Garcia we've being through this before it is Professor or Sir, get it right! Still it does not answer my question."

"Oh, I'm playing spy," she says "you wanna play?"

"...No."

**20) It is not necessary to yell, "BURN!" Whenever Snape takes points away from Gryffindor.**

"20 points off Gryffindor."

The students from Slytherin snickered, as Cece proclaims "BURN!"

The room went quiet, until Snape turns back towards Cece "Miss. Garcia, you do know you are in the same house?"

Cece thought a moment "...DOUBLE BURN!"

**21) I am not authorized to negotiate a peace treaty with Voldemort**

"So would he or would he not consider a peace treaty?" Cece asked.

She and Snape have been arguing for an hour now and in that hour she still has not gotten through her head that-

"The Dark Lord does not negotiate treaties of any kind."

"Yeah," Cece nods "but this is a peace treaty, so if I can just have his contact information I'll be on my way."

"Miss. Garcia, please go to your dorm." Snape orders.

"What if I threw in a cookie?" She asked "Would that help?"

**22) First years are not to be fed to Fluffy.**

"Miss. Garcia, have you seen the new first years?" Professor McGonagall asks.

"Ooooh, those were first years?" Cece says in surprises "They were so small, I thought they were Fluffy's snack.

McGonagall quickly rushes passed the girl and heads straight towards Fluffy's room.

**27) I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways.**

"So yeah Dumbledore says I have "behavior problems" whatever that means, so he made me hall monitor for the day." Cece said to Harry, Ron and Hermione as they walked the somewhat empty halls with her.

"You do have a tendency to get into trouble Cece." Harry says.

She shrugs "Whatever, at least I get to have this."

She pulls out the Gryffindor sword from within her uniform coat and starts waving it around. Her friends duck behind her a bit to avoid getting hit.

"Dumbledore lent you the sword!?" Ron gasped.

"No," Cece admits "but I decided I needed some form of protection to patrol."

**29) I will not tell Draco to "Make like a ferret and bounce"**

"Shut up! You filthy little half breed!" Draco growled.

Cece tolerated a lot of things from the brat but make fun of her friends and call Hermione a mud-blood and it's so on. And you don't ever want to get on Cece's bad side.

"Shut your mouth Draco!" She snaps "Why don't you make like a ferret and bounce!"

**31) I will not use Umbridge's quill to write, "Told you I was Hard Core."**

Hermione just shook her head in disbelief and disapproval at Cece as they sat to eat "I can't believe you did it..."

Cece smirks towards her friends and stuck out her right hand "Read it bitch!"

There in caps it was carved "TOLD YOU I WAS HARD CORE"

**34) I will not start every potion's class by asking Snape if the potion is acceptable as Body Lotion.**

"It has the ability to cast a fog around a one mile radius..." Snape babbled on.

"Any questions?"

Cede was first to raise her hand.

"No, Miss. Garcia they can not be used as body lotion." He sighs.

"Aw man." She whines.

**37) I will not start singing and dancing in the middle of lessons and claim someone put the imperious curse on me.**

Suddenly Cece hops on top of her desk in the middle of Snape's lesson and starts dancing.

"_Can't read my, can't read my, no you can't read my poker face!_"

"Miss. Garcia, I do not believe that anyone has put Cantis on you this time," Snape states "nor have they the other five times."

"_ Everything is awesome/ Everything is cool when you're part of a team/ Everything is awesome, when we're living your dream!"_

**39) I will not tell Severus Snape he takes himself too seriously.**

Snape once again was found scolding Cece after class try to get through to her "And further more-"

"Dude, you really take yourself too seriously."

Bad choice of words for Cece.

"I'll see you in detention." He says calmly.

She rolls her eyes, that again. But she smiles "Why so serious?"

Okay, now she was just scaring him.

**40) Ravenclaws do not find a sign saying the library is closed for an indefinite time period funny in any sense. Nor does Hermione Granger.**

"Cece! Open the door!" Hermione demands as her and an army of Ravenclaw students waiting very impatiently at the entrance of the library.

"Aqupado!" She calls from the inside.

"Open up!" Hermione growls.

"No, your gunna yell at me!"

"Cece, this isn't funny!"

"No, no, Miss. Cece no here."

"And quoting Family Guy isn't going to make it less irritating!"

"I'm going to detention ain't I?"

**45) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween.**

No would think she do it or go that far but they clearly didn't know Cece. So when she came casually strutting into the annual Halloween Party it was like the whole world went silent. But Cece didn't pay no mind and proceeded to raiding the desert table.

"Just...no words..." Harry sighs.

"She really wants to get expelled doesn't she?" Ron says.

**46) I will not refer to Lucius Malfoy as a pimp - even if he does carry a pimp cane**

"Dude your dad is totally a pimp." Cece says.

"For the hundredth time HE ISN'T!" Draco cries.

"Then why the hell does he carry a pimp cane around with him?"

"It isn't a pimp cane you stupid half-breed, it's what's in fashion!"

"So pimp canes are in fashion?"

47) I am no longer allowed to use the words 'pimp cane' in front of Draco Malfoy

"Pimp cane! Pimp cane! Pimp cane!" Cece sang

"Shut it!" Draco demands.

"Pimp cane! Pimp cane!"

**49) "To conquer the Earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not a career choice**.

Today Cece has learned a valuable lesson for career day: stealing two dozen monkeys from the zoo and magically growing wings on them makes them even harder to control.

"What exactly was your point in your presentation Miss. Garcia?" McGonagall asks crossly.

Cece rolls her eyes "Isn't it obvious? When I grow up I want to conquer the Earth with an army of flying monkeys."

"Miss. Garcia," McGonagall began "take over by flying monkeys isn't an eligible career choice."

"Damn it!"

**50) I will not tell the first years that Professor Snape is the Voice of God.**

"It's not true!...Is it?" One of the little first years asked.

"Whose been here longer?" Cece challenged.

"Didn't you just transfer here?" Another inquiries.

"That's besides the point," she says "I'm older, so I know what I'm talking about."

"Yes, I suppose," another first year agrees "but he's just so dark and...scary."

"You don't think he'd come to Earth without a disguise, do ya?"

"I guess not," the younger says "but seriously, Snape!"

"Shhh!" The others hissed as the devil himself passed by calmly.

They peeked around the corner quietly so as not to get noticed. Cece finally nods and confirms "That man is the voice of God."

**51) I will not tell the first years to build a treehouse in the Whomping Willow.**

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" A first year boy asked eyeing the place.

"Absolutely!" Cece assured as she played out the materials she brought "It's a Hogwarts' tradition! Besides I'm here to help since I'm a few years older."

"But is it safe?" A little girl asked.

"Of course!" Cece nods as she grabs her tool belt "the only thing ya need to watch out for is the branches, but after that part it's pie!"

"If you say so." Another shrugs as the head towards the tree to get started on the tree house.

**53) I am not allowed to skip through the hallways singing the "Wizards of Waverly Place" theme song.**

Once again Cece found herself heading over to Dumbledore's office and once more she was bored. So, like last time she dissided to pass the time with a song.

"_Well you know everything's gonna be a breeze_  
_That the end will no doubt justify the means_  
_You could fix any problem with a slice of ease_  
_Yes please_  
_Well you might find out It'll go to your head_  
_When you write a report on a book you never read_  
_With a snap of your fingers you can make your bed_  
_That's what I said_  
_Everything is not what it seems_  
_When you can get all you wanted in your wildest dreams_  
_You might run into trouble if you go to extremes_  
_Because everything is not what it seems_  
_Everything is not what it seems_  
_When you can have what you want by the simplest of means_  
_Be careful not to mess with the balance of things_  
_Because everything is not what it seems!_"

It was long enough to keep her entertained till she got to the Headmaster's office. All was left was to open the door, and boy what a surprise was at the other side.

"Mama?! Papi?!"

"Miss. Garcia, please sit down." Dumbledore say gesturing to a seat between her mother and father.

Hesitantly Cece sat down and waited patiently for a scolding of a life time. Which lasted about 15 minutes and counting.

"How did you even grow marijuana!? It isn't even local!" Her mother exclaims.

"We've raised you better!" Her father adds.

"Please!" Dumbledore eases "Let us here from Cece herself."

Cece sighs then begins "I don't want to be here! I don't want to learn magic, I want to learn science and chemistry and calculus. I don't want to be a wizard!"

"But miha you don't have to be a wizard," he mother coos "you can be a cudandera like me and abuela."

"No Ma!" She snaps "I want to be a doctor! And I won't be able to accomplish that stuck in this stupid wizard school!"

Cece kicks the desk in frustration then sighs again "Sorry Sir, no offence to your school or anything but it's just not for me..."

Dumbledore nods solemnly "If you would have just told me this earlier many things could of been avoided."

Cece was a bit surprised "So I won't be expelled?"

"No dear, but we will have to chance some if your classes," he says "Hogwarts isn't just a school of wizardry you know. Hermione Grainger, as you know does not just study wizardry, being one of the top students here she excels in both wizardry and non-wizardry."

He then turns towed Cece's parents "Despite Cece's troublesome behaviour she is an excellent student, as you can see."

He hands them Cece grade records "As you can see not only did she keep her grades up but they are all A's and nothing less. She was also top student in her other schools be for she was expelled."

"Ay, mi amor...we didn't know." Her father admits guiltily.

"How could you," Cece says "you guys were always to busy getting mad at me."

"So if you'd like," Dumbledore continues "I could change some classes to lessons you want, and since you meet the excelled quota of every other classes you can have full credit. And who knows, if you work hard and behave Hogwarts may recommend you for a scholarship to a university."

Cece squeals with joy as she goes to hug the Headmaster "Thank you, thank you, thank you! That's all I've ever wanted!"

Dumbledore smile and pats her shoulder "Is nothing my dear, now I trust this means you'll settle down and be on your best behaviour."

She salute him "Yes, sir! I'll be the most well behaved student ever!"

Headmaster chuckles "Well, maybe not too well behaved though. I have grown accustomed to your rowdy tricks. Just nothing to disrupt lessons or put students in danger."

"Of course," Cece nods then thinks a moment "but can I ask you something?"

"Yes my dear."

"Can I keep one class..."

"Poor Cece," Hermione sigh "she did mean well."

"I kind will miss the loon." Ron adds.

"She was pretty fun wasn't she?" Harry smiles.

"Good riddance to bad rubbish!" Draco says grouchily.

"Quiet class," Snape says "turn to page 30 in your books."

Suddenly the door slams open "I'm baaaaack!"

"Bloody hell!" Draco cursed.

The trio just smiled as the girl took her seat smiling at the shocked Professor.

"What?" Cece giggled "Couldn't leave my favorite teacher now could I? And my bestest friend!"

She leans back on her desk towards Draco, who was behind her, and tickles his face with her quill. He swats the quill away before angrily saying "You're completely insane!"

"Aww, thanks bestie!" She giggles then look to Snape "Don't worry Mr. Snape, I promised Dumbledore I'd be on my best behavior."

"It's Professor Snape to you Miss. Garcia," he corrects stoically "but I highly doubt that will stick. Now turn to page 30 in your book."

Cece salutes him "Yes sir!"

Snape paused a bit on the blackboard, did she say sir? She never called him that, it was always Mister Snape or Snape or, if she was feeling extra daring, dude. But Snape sighed, shrugging it off as he continues the lesson. He wondered how long this "good behavior" would last.

His answer came when Cece started singing fifteen minutes later:

"Let it go! Let it go! Can't hold it back any more! Let it go! Let it go! Turn away and slam the door! And her I stand! And here I'll stay! Let the storm rain on! The cold never bothered me anyways!"

Well, at least she wasn't dancing on her desk...

**Well what ya think!? Please tell me your thoughts and REVIEW! I always love it when you do :) just no flames. PEACE, LOVE AND CHOCOLATE Y'ALL!**


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